i was born a porn star she said
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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