She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
