my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
