Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
