Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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