going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
