I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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