I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize