just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
