Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
