White coat. Heels.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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