I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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