He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
