I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
