I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
