so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
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