Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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