Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
