My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
