Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
