i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
