she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
