Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
