does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
