The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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