saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
i need some magic done to my vagina
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
