Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
