Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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