were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
