How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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