I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
