I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize