Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize