What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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