I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
