i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
