theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
