Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
