Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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