Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
