When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize