Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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