"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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