He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
