when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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