I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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