I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
