Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
