Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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