Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize