when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
pray to the hookup gods
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
