I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
