I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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