dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
When did angry sex become our thing?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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