Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
