she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
