Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
