Since when is my name a synonym for head?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
