We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
