I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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