don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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