I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
