i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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