i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
