somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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