Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
