So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
