i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
