I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
