maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
