I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
