they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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