If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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