I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
