The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
