I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
This toilet bowl is my home.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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