proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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