I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
