So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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