Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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